HIGH SCHOOL WITH MY FIANCEE: 41-45
She is water💦 He is fire🔥
She is kind😊 He is Cold😟
(Letting her go)
I sat there with my back against the seat as I prepared myself for the worst. I can’t believe I am doing this. I can’t believe I am trying to be selfless for once. For Liya.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even notice someone already standing in front of me. In front of the table.
I looked up and found her dark brown eyes looking at me with a spark in them. I could see that she had put in a lot of effort in her dress to look like she didn’t put in a lot of effort.
I wanted to chuckle at her cuteness.
“Can I sit? She asked.
I nodded my head silently at her. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. To say a word.
I still can’t believe how right Olivia was. Not only Olivia. I knew everyone thought so too. Including me. If I let Liya go she won’t have to suffer so much. In the end, I was the cause of all her suffering.
As she sat down she looked at me expectantly. A smile on her face.
How much I want that smile to be there forever.
She put her hands on the table before crossing them, “Before you say anything, I want to make a few things clear.”
I waited for her to continue as she took a deep breath before she put a smile on her face again, “I never dated Luke.”
I froze in my spot as I looked at her confused. What did she mean that she never dated Luke?
“What?” I asked.
She nodded her head trying to purse her grin, “We never dated. It was all fake.”
I felt happy. Her words just made me feel so happy that I wanted to grin and laugh it off with her but I can’t.
I put on a hard cover on my face as I looked at her coldly, “And I should know?”
She seemed confused as she looked at me trying to figure me out, “What do you mean?” She asked trying to chuckle.
This. This was the moment I was most dreading. The moment I have to break it to her.
Why is it so early? Can’t I enjoy my moments with her?
I clenched my jaw tight,
“I don’t care whom you date Liya.” I said harshly.
The spark in her eyes just a minute ago vanished just like that. Her smile disappeared. Just like that. Just like always I was the one to hurt her.
“W-we kissed Xavier.” She said her voice coming out to be meek.
I could feel every inch of my body mentally paining as I looked at her looking at me this way.
I can’t look at her this way. I averted my eyes away from her as I closed my eyes and forced my next words out,
“So what? People kiss all the time.” I said coldly.
Please. Please. Please help me. Help me from breaking in front of her. I can’t. Not right now.
I was lying. I knew it. It wasn’t just a kiss. Not for her. Not for me.
It definitely was much more.
She was silent as I moved my eyes towards her slowly. Her eyes. She was tearing as she tried not to cry.
I felt like someone was ripping my heart out as I looked at her this way.
“Didn’t it mean anything to you at all?” She asked with pain in her voice.
I wanted to comfort her. Pull her closer to me and let her know that it was everything to me. But I sat there glued to my seat.
“No.” I replied.
I wanted to yell out in frustration. What is happening? Why is it happening with us? Why can’t we be like normal couples?
“Xavier?” She whispered. I looked at her as she searched my eyes for something, “Didn’t you ever felt anything for me? Not even once?”
My feelings for you are so strong that I am willing to give up on you. For you. Because you deserve better. I love you so much that I am willing to stay away from you for the rest of your life if that makes you happy.
I can’t ever forget our moments spent together. I know they are bitter but they are close to my heart.
I can’t forget your first day of school as you stood there waiting for me. You were willing to change your clothes as I didn’t like what you were wearing.
How can I forget that?
The way you barged into the chemistry class even though it wasn’t yours. How you dared to enter the cafeteria alone even when it was against rules.
You always did things differently.
How can I forget?
Our time spent together at the amusement park. Our fight. Our deal.
And yet among these bitter moments. I Ioved all the moments spent with you. I realized my feelings late. And I regret it. I think that is why I am being punished.
To put you through so much.
“No.” I said, “I never did.”
Lie. For how long do I think I can keep this lie going on when all it is doing is clawing inside me. Leaving scars that won’t heal.
I looked at her as I saw her taking a sharp intake of breath. Her eyes were wide as she tried to contain her tears.
She took deep breaths trying to keep calm.
I could feel every ounce of her pain. It was like she wanted me to feel her pain. Only if she knew that it was hurting me more than anything.
It felt like someone was willingly holding onto my heart tight. Squeezing it tight until I screamed out of pain.
“I am an idiot.” I heard her say. She tried to laugh as she looked anywhere but me.
My heart yearned to touch her.
“I am an idiot for holding onto you.” She whispered finally.
The last piece inside me broke as I heard her say that. Isn’t that what I wanted? For her to give up on me so that she could move on?
THEN WHY THE FUCK DID IT HURT?
WHY DO I FEEL LIKE CRYING?
“Let’s end this.” She finally said before getting up and leaving. I watched her as she walked out on me.
She left. Just like I wanted her to. She never even once looked back.
I got up from my seat to get out of here. I hate it here. I need to get out. It was suffocating. But as soon as I got up I felt my legs give up as I fell down in my seat feeling numb.
What a funny word. And yet it was better than the pain.
I tried to laugh as I looked around. The cafe was almost empty. I am so glad that I picked it.
“Are you alright?” One of the staff member asked me.
I pursed my lips as I tried to cover them up from quivering, “Why won’t I? It’s not like I just let go my love. It’s not like I just stepped on two hearts to let the other move on. Be happy. I- I,”
I felt tears run down my cheeks. I wiped them off, “And look, I don’t deserve to cry and yet here I am crying. This is the first time I am crying. And I don’t even know why.”
She just nodded her head at me in sympathy before going away.
I ran my hands over my eyes before finally stopping. I didn’t do anything as I let them out. The tears. No matter how much I tried to hide them they came back. Demanding me to let them out.
Finally I did.
My heart was aching. And I couldn’t do anything to help it. So I let it out by crying.
I deserve it. I deserve to suffer.
🎶Say something am giving up on you🎶
🎶And I…have swallowed my pride am so lonely to love…..🎶
___To be continued…
A little bit sad, wasn’t it? But hey, Xavier deserves it, don’t you think? I mean he put Liya through so much.
Leave down your thoughts
HIGH SCHOOL WITH MY FIANCEE
She is water💦 He is fire🔥
She is kind😊 He is Cold😟
I walked out feeling numb. I couldn’t feel anything. My legs, my arms, my feet everything felt numb.
I did everything. I gave my everything. I loved with all my heart. Tried to adjust like no one. Tried to stick by him no matter what. But as expected I was left hurt in the end. Hurt beyond words.
I anticipated this. I knew this day would come. The day I would be broken by him beyond repair. When I couldn’t breath anymore. When I couldn’t feel anymore. Becoming numb.
Did he really want this? Did he really want to break me so bad? Cause he succeeded. In the end he got what he wanted.
He really despised me.
I thought finally we could be together. I guess I was wrong. What wrong did I do to deserve this?
I stood still looking around. It was empty.But not more empty than my heart. There were no people around. And I couldn’t be more grateful because finally I could drop the act. Even though I felt numb, I couldn’t help but feel my heart tear up.
If only you could see, you would find it shattered into a million pieces. It felt like someone was piercing me with daggers. Continually. Not caring about how I felt. How hurt I was.
I looked up trying to control on my tears. I can’t cry. Why should I? I don’t deserve to cry. The only thing I deserve is to be hurt and then be tossed around. I have no right to feel. I have no right to let my feelings out. I have no…no.
A tear spilled out of my eye.
I tried to wipe it off.
I am fine. I have always been fine. I am no human.
Two more tears came rushing down my eyes.
“Dammit.” I swore before wiping them off too. But the more I did, the more they came.
I hate it. I hate it. I HATE IT. I HATE MYSELF.
I tried to wipe my face off any signs of tears on them. Slowly but steadily I became aggressive as I tried to not let them out of my eyes.
I regret it. I regret falling in love at all. I now know that the worst thing that can happen to you is being in love. It only breaks you apart. It only leaves you feeling shattered. Incomplete. Hurt. Betrayed. Numb. Guilty. Angry. Hateful.
You will regret it. No matter what.
You will always be hurt by the people you love the most. They will walk out on you without caring.
Just like Xavier Reed.
Xavier Reed. The only person I fell in love with. Did everything for him. Got hurt by him and yet always stood by him. And just like anyone he refuses to accept his feelings. Even if that means losing me in his way. He would much rather lose me than accept his feelings.
Do I deserve this guy?
He kisses me and then refuses to feel anything towards it. He doesn’t want me to be with anyone else and yet he doesn’t want to be with me either. He wants to make me feel loved and cared however he is the one who hurts me the most.
I took another step forward before I stumbled and fell down. I sat there staring at the blood which was coming out of my knees.
It should be paining, right? Then why can’t I feel it?
“WHY CAN’T I FEEL IT?! LET ME FEEL IT! LET ME FEEL THIS PAIN!” I yelled loudly looking up at the sky. My voice cracked.
Atleast it would be better than the pain inside me.
It was nothing compared to the blood that was gushing out of my heart. The pain which was begging me to numb it. But I couldn’t help it. I can’t aid my heart.
It’s funny how things can change so fast.
“I give up.” I muttered. The wind around me blew strongly making my hair come all around my face.
I tried to curl up into a ball tightly against one of the walls of the cafe before letting it all out. The tears I couldn’t control. The pain that was demanding me to be felt. To be let out.
I yelled loudly. I cried loudly. Until my throat burned. Until I couldn’t scream anymore. I let my frustrations out. I let my pain out. The more I yelled and cried the more light headed I felt. The more my heart felt numb.
I love this. I would love to not feel anything. I want to get disappeared.
I held onto my knee tightly. I want to scream until I get disappeared.
I stopped. I tried to hide my face away as I saw Nathaniel and Alec come and stand in front of me. It was silent for a while before I felt a hand press down on my shoulders and then making me face up.
I looked up and saw Alec kneeling in front of me looking at me concerned and with pain in his eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Nathaniel asked.
I was still staring at Alec as he stared back at me, “Xavier.” He whispered.
I closed my eyes as I nodded at them.
I cannot break in front of people. I cannot let them know that I was broken. So I tried to put a smile on my face as I got up. I wiped my tears away,
“What are you guys doing here?” I asked trying to sound cheery.
Alec was still kneeling there in front of me when he got up slowly and stood in front of me. He looked down at me intensely,
“What did he do now?” He asked ignoring my previous question completely.
I stared at him before averting my eyes and looking at Nathaniel. The way Alec was looking at me I could feel myself losing control over my emotions. I knew if he looked at me that way for much longer then I won’t be able to control myself.
“I did the one thing I should have done a while back.” I smiled still looking at Nathaniel.
“What?” He asked confused.
“I gave up on Xavier.” I said trying to smile wide.
It became silent as none of them spoke a word. They both stared at me as I kicked my foot against a stone.
I waited for them to say something but they never did. Finally I looked at them to find them standing there looking at me with dumb expressions.
“You didn’t, did you?” Nathaniel asked silently.
“I did.” I replied.
“Why?” He asked…kind of hurt?
I am the one who is hurt. And yet they have the audacity to look at me like I said something which hurt them.
“Realization.” I whispered.
“What are you saying? I could see Xavier finally letting his walls down…then what the fuck happened?” He asked frustrated.
I am the one who should be frustrated and ask, ‘Then what the fuck happened?’ But I kept a straight face.
“It doesn’t matter now, does it? It is over between us. I am tired of holding onto him.”
Rather he is tired of dealing with me. And I am done with my feelings. They are becoming too much to handle.
“It matters!” Alec held onto my shoulders shaking me a little, “It matters Liya. I just saw you having a breakdown right now.”
I looked at him and then at Nathaniel who nodded his head at me in affirmation. They saw it. They saw me breaking.
“It was nothing.” I whispered looking down at the ground.
“It wasn’t nothing. So let me ask this again…what did Xavier do?” Alec asked as he pinned me down with his gaze.
I gazed into both of his eyes. He looked scary. It was the first time that Alec looked like this.
“Why do you think it was Xavier?” I asked trying to dodge the question.
“It can’t be anyone else.”
“It can be me.”
“It can’t be. You love him.” He said staring into my soul.
“That’s why it is me.”
“Liya.” He said silently in a threatening way, “What. Did. He. Do?”
I slapped his hands away from my shoulders before closing my eyes, “What is so hard to understand?” I gritted my teeth, “He doesn’t like me. I gave up on him.”
Alec stared at me before stepping away and turning away to look at Nathaniel, “I’ll take her home.”
Nathaniel looked at Alec before looking at me with concerned eyes, “Why are they being so difficult?” He muttered.
Alec puts one of his hands on his shoulder in a reassuring way as Nathaniel asked him, “Is she going to be fine?”
“I hope so.” I could hear Alec say. I could only see the back of his blonde hair, “She is hurt. And this time it is bad.”
“I am fine!” I yelled so they could hear me properly. They were silent for a while before they ignored me. I sighed before looking up at the sky.
The sun was going to go down very soon. I looked back at the cafe. At the main door.
I never saw him leave. Does that mean he was still sitting inside?
I shook my head. Why do I care? I don’t. I don’t care anymore. I don’t care what he does. I don’t care where he goes. I just don’t give a damn.
“Xavier is not that cold. And you know it too.” I heard Nathaniel say that to Alec.
I wanted to laugh at their faces. At their belief. They say Xavier is not that cold. I will tell you, he is the coldest bastard I have ever seen. As cold as snow. Who only knows how to hurt people.
Just like me they are fooled by Xavier if they think that he is soft inside because he is not. He is only as much monster inside as he is outside.
I sighed frustratedly.
Even after all he said. Even after all the anger I am feeling towards him. Why can’t I say that I…I hate him?
We both were walking quietly side by side. The sun was almost down now. The red was covering the sky making it seem like a blanket of rose.
“I can’t see you like this.” Alec said finally breaking the silence. He wasn’t looking at me.
I stopped walking making him stop too.
I looked at him confused–raising my brows, “What do you mean?”
Alec gazed down at me intensely before taking a step towards me while I took a step back.
He continued looking at me with the same look while taking steps towards me while I backed away. I don’t know what had gotten into Alec, but he seemed serious.
“Alec?” My back hit against one of the white walls of a house.
Alec came and put one of his hands beside my face and looked down at me intently with his sky eyes, “I can’t always see you being hurt by Xavier.”
I tried to look him in the eyes before looking down at my black canvas, “I told you I gave up on him.”
“He hurt you.” He whispered.
Why does he need to keep reminding me that? I was coping up with my feelings. Why can’t he just help me with it? I don’t want to break in front of him. And I’d be happy if he respects that.
I was still looking down when I closed my eyes in pain.
“Why don’t you look around? Xavier is not the only guy.” He whispered again.
My eyes snapped up to look at him. He was looking at me sincerely. The red sky made his light blue eyes stand out more as I looked up at him.
“I know.” I whispered back.
I know what you mean Alec.
He stared into my eyes for a few seconds before he took a deep breath,
“Do you like me Liya?” He asked seriously.
“Of course, I like you Alec.” I said in a heartbeat and looked behind him and saw a few people passing by. They looked our way as I tried to hide behind Alec.
I knew he didn’t mean it like that. And he knew I knew that.
He closed his eyes, “You know that’s not how I meant.”
“I know.” I replied.
He opened his eyes and stared at me for a while before sighing.
“You love Xavier.” He stated, “Does that mean all I can do is watch him hurt you?”
I don’t think so. He already hurt me too much. He can’t hurt me further. They say you can’t break a person beyond certain point. Maybe I have reached that point.
“You won’t.” I said looking at him.
He closed his eyes momentarily before opening them and looking at me hurt, “Am I that bad?”
I shook my head violently. He wasn’t bad. He was good. Too good in fact. Even too good for me. How can I deserve him when all I did was push him away?
“You aren’t.” I said loud enough to make it clear.
“Then why?” He asked gazing into both my eyes while I was still stuck between him and the wall.
Why he asks?
“I am not ready to start a relationship Alec. I think it is time that I find myself.” I told him, “Besides,” I looked down at the floor, “if I consider your feelings right now then all I would be doing is using you emotionally for my own fear of emotions. And I don’t want that.”
He was silent for a while before he spoke, “I don’t mind being emotionally used.”
My breathing stopped. I stared at him, into his light blue eyes. The way they were looking at me. I have never seen Alec being like this. Being this vulnerable.
Even if he wants I can’t use him emotionally. I am not that weak yet.
“I am not that weak, Alec. I will get through this.” I said trying to sound confident.
“I never said you were weak, Liya. Rather you are one heck of a girl. And I can’t help but fall for you deeper.”
My breathing hitched. Did he just confess to me again?
“I’m sorry.” I muttered, “I’m so sorry that I can’t return your feelings, Alec.” I looked down guilty.
He was silent. Still searching my face for something when I let my next words out, “I really wish it was you who I fell in love with.”
He took a deep breath before stepping away from me, “But it isn’t.” He tried to laugh to hide his pain.
“It isn’t.” I repeated silently. I still stood there against the wall while Alec was far away from me now. He turned towards me with a smile now,
“But I am not leaving your side. I don’t care how much you try to push me away. I know you need someone right now and I am willing to be that someone.”
“Alec,” I started but he held his hand out to me.
I didn’t want him to be hurt.
“It is my decision to make.” He said in a final tone.
I still looked at him unsure but the look on his face made it clear that he wasn’t taking a ‘no’ for an answer so I nodded my head at him as I made my way towards him. He smiled at me before ruffling my hair.
“Let me take you home. And if you want I can even lend you my shoulder to cry on.” He said wrapping his arms around my shoulder and drawing me closer to his body.
Not sure. Slowly I lay my head on the side of his torso while I closed my eyes. I couldn’t stop myself. I needed someone to understand how I felt.
And I knew Alec could understand it.
Cause in the end, We all were hurt by the person we love one way or another.
___To be continued…
Also just a quick question…are you getting bored of reading it? Cause if you are just let me know
She is water💦 He is fire🔥
She is kind😊 He is Cold😟
It has been ten days since I last saw Xavier. He doesn’t attend any classes. He doesn’t come to school. Nathaniel and Alec make sure not to talk about him in front of me and stay by my side all day trying to make me happy and smile.
And I am. I am happy. Or that is what I want people to believe.
Of course I am still hurt. Of course I still cry at night for hours but atleast I don’t run away from my feelings. Atleast I am going on with my daily life and haven’t ghosted people.
I can’t let people around me be worried about me when all the damn problem was in me. I was the one who made all the mistakes.
I made a mistake of not giving up on him earlier. Still holding onto him. Still caring for him when all he did was push me away. Not noticing me.
But you see, you never learn until you make mistakes. And I know better to learn from them.
“It’s been a while since I saw Xavier pick you up for school. Is everything okay between you two?” Mom asked as she sat in the chair opposite to mine.
I was about to have a mouthful of my bread when I put it back in the plate and got up from my chair,
“I’ll get late.” I muttered before taking my bag and leaving for school.
I could feel the confusion on my mom’s face as she stared at me awkwardly. She was still processing what just happened. Before I got out I heard her yell,
“But it’s still half an hour early”
I closed the door behind me as I walked out. A gush of wind passed by making me shiver a little. I rubbed my arms lightly before looking up at the sky.
It was colder than most of the days. And guess what? Yes, I will wait here outside until Alec shows up.
Not by my wish of course. I could always go on my own or ask Brian to pick me up…come on he is my friend, the least he can do to pay me for being such a good friend to him is give me a ride school.
But I am suppose to wait for Alec especially today that I came out half an hour earlier.
I cursed at the cold weather. Of all days it could have picked to be cold…mother nature chose today.
“You are early.” I heard a familiar voice.
I snapped my head to the front to look at him. I haven’t seen him since the party. A huge grin made it’s way onto my face as I ran and wrapped my arms around him.
He laughed before hugging me back and lifting me up a little, “Look at you.” He huffed, “Did you just become heavy in these last ten days?” He laughed.
I hit him on the shoulders before demanding him to put me back down,
“I am just kidding.” He chuckled before putting me back down.
I stood in front of him– grinning before hitting his arm, “Why are you always here to pick me up whenever I am early?”
I asked remembering the first time he came to pick me up for school. We both were early. Just like today.
He shrugged his shoulders looking down at me with his grey eyes twinkling, “What can I say? I am your guardian angel?”
I shook my head trying to suppress my smile. I was so glad to see Luke after these days. It just reminded me that not much has changed since that day. Except the fact that a few thorns were removed and a few broken pieces were laid.
“Come on.” He rubbed his hands together, “It’s getting cold. Get inside.” He said opening the car door for me just like before.
I smiled softly before getting in.
As soon as I was inside I watched Luke go over and get inside too.
“Are you cold?” He asked as he closed the door.
I blew some air over my hands shaking my head, “Not much.”
He turned the heater on, “Why don’t you just go inside and grab something warm?”
“Hell no. I am not going inside. I just ignored my mom. You don’t know but if I go right now then I am not sure if I’ll make it out.” I looked at him seriously.
He chuckled in response.
Does he think I am joking? Cause I very well am not.
“Well in that case….I do have something for you.” He grinned at me before turning in his seat and reaching out for the back seat. It wasn’t even a minute later that he sat back in his seat with a jacket too familiar in his hands.
I stared at it before looking at Luke. He held the jacket out for me to take while I shook my head in denial. It was the same jacket Xavier gave me on the day of the party. It was the same one which was left back in Luke’s car because Xavier gave me ride home.
I faced away from it and looked in the front, “I-I don’t want it.”
It just bring back memories. Not the good ones.
“Why?” He asked keeping the jacket on his legs now.
“You don’t know what happened Luke.” I murmured closing my eyes.
I opened my eyes to stare at him, “Then why are you still giving me this?” I asked referring to the jacket.
He sighed before a small smile appeared on his face, “Do you remembered the first time I met Xavier?”
I nodded my head in affirmative.
“He whispered something in my ear.” He stated.
I remember. I remember very vividly the way he whispered something in Luke’s ear and I never found out.
“Do you want to know what he said?” He asked seriously.
I gazed into his grey eyes before my eyes momentarily moved towards the black jacket sitting on his laps.
“No.” I shook my head still staring at the jacket, “Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”
Cause it will only make things worse for me. I just want to keep Xavier’s image just as it is in my mind– cruel, ruthless. I don’t want even a slight chance of someone breaking it and giving my heart a chance to go back.
“Why?” Luke asked with confusion.
“Because we are done Luke.” I replied, “Not everyone can make things work.”
I looked at him hard making him finally shut up. He nodded his head before falling quiet.
“Why are you here anyways?” I asked staring in the front.
Luke looked at me once before revving the engine, “To pick you up.”
“What about Alec?” I asked.
He kept his finger on his lips as he smiled to himself. I rolled my eyes at him. Something was definitely up with them.
“What about Emily? How are things working between the two of you?” I asked.
He turned his head towards me before grinning at me, “Thanks to you, we are back together.”
I jumped up in excitement, “That’s great Luke!”
Though I was a little envy. Just a little but I was. How do people get to have such easy and normal relationship? Why isn’t it the same with me?
All the way to school I listened to Luke talking about Emily. Even though it was fun to listen but the way his eyes lit up whenever he talked about her was something else.
I wish I could see the same look when the person who loves me talks about me.
He parked the car in the school parking lot and got out of the car before coming to my side and opening the door for me.
He still does it.
I stepped out of the car while Luke ran his hands through his dirty blonde hair once before looking around in search of something.
“What are you looking for?” I asked looking around myself.
He stopped before covering my eyes with his hands, “Nothing.”
I tried to remove his hands away from my eyes, “It isn’t nothing.”
He kept his hands stable on my eyes before asking me to start walking,
“Seriously? I can fall down. You are willing to risk my life?”
Luke pressed his hands tighter around my eyes making me yelp and trying to kick him in the air.
“What is even going on?” I asked getting impatient while he made me walk god knows where.
He finally stopped making me stop too. I could hear fairy t voices and people talking around me.
What was going on?
Luke slowly but steadily removed his hands away from my eyes. I opened my eyes only for them to be greeted with the sight in front of me which was unforgettable.
Brian was standing there with a guitar in his hands while Nathaniel was on the drums. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that they brought the freaking drums out here in the open.
Evie. Oh boy, she knows how to play a piano? Damn, are they all this talented from the very beginning or am I just getting to know them now? How didn’t I just know about it?
“What’s going on?” I asked with a wide smile on my face. Many students had circled around us as they waited too.
Alec was standing in the middle with a guitar of his own too,
“Liya.” He spoke loudly, “….’Lean on me’ by Bill Withers. Just for you.”
Even though Alec didn’t say much I could hear a thousand words in that short sentence.
I couldn’t help but feel warm as they struck their chords all at once. They were doing this all for me.
Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow
Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on
Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won’t let show.
I felt Luke’s arm on my shoulder as he rubbed them in a reassuring way. I looked up at him and couldn’t help myself from hiding the fact that I was getting emotional.
“We are all here for you.” Luke whispered in my ear as I gazed at Alec singing, looking at me with his sky like eyes. My eyes shifted to Nathaniel, Brian and then to Evie. They all were grinning down at me with warmth.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry not because it was paining just like these past ten days but because I was too happy. Too glad to have these people in my life.
These people whom I call my friends. Who are here for me no matter what.
Luke. Alec. Brian. Evelyn. And Nathaniel.
I doubt I would have been able to do anything without them.
I couldn’t take it anymore as I ran towards them and hugged each and everyone of them.
I couldn’t help but be moved by their gesture to cheer me up. I couldn’t help but notice that they
knew that I wasn’t actually fine.
And I love them about it.
“We love you.” Evie whispered in my ear before hugging me back as tightly as possible. Brian, Alec, Nathaniel and Luke joined us too as they tried to hug the air out of us.
I could hear the people around us going all awe while I didn’t care about them out, I couldn’t help but notice Alec laying there on my bed– busy on his phone.
“I am fine, Alec. I don’t need you to babysit me anymore to make sure that I am fine.” I laughed as I went and lay there beside him.
He was silent for a while before putting his phone down and turning his body towards me so that his face was facing me, “Those bags aren’t growing out of nowhere.” He commented referring to my lack of sleep.
“Oh come on.” I huffed.
I stared above while Alec was still looking at me. We both were silently continuing to stare at our respective subjects before I closed my eyes,
“It’s weird.” I muttered.
“What’s weird?” He asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.
I opened my eyes and looked at him momentarily, “Your eyes concentrated on my face.”
He laughed lightly before averting his eyes and going back to look up with me.
I bit my lip before turning my head to look at him nervously…I wondered if I should ask Alec about him. I know I shouldn’t care about him anymore and I don’t. Really I don’t…I am just curious.
“Who’s the weirdo now?” Alec laughed turning his head towards me.
His baby blue eyes met mine as we both gazed into each others eyes.
“Did you talk to him?” I finally whispered.
There was a smile on Alec’s lips a moment earlier which wasn’t there to be seen anymore.
“No.” He stated.
There was no need to mention his name. He knew whom I was talking about.
I nodded my head at him before going quiet. There was an awkward silence between us.
I fidgeted with my hands thinking about how to make it any less awkward when he sighed,
“We both tried everything to contact him. Initially we were just mad at him for what he did to you but as the time passed we became concerned about him. He doesn’t pick our calls. Doesn’t let anyone see him. Makes his mother lie for him when we ask her to let us meet him. And I don’t know how to feel about it anymore. Xavier and I have been friends for so long now that,” He got up from the bed and sat there looking down at the floor now, “even if I want to stay mad at him. I can’t help but be concerned about him. Cause I know that Xavier has the potential to build this wall around him which can be difficult to break.”
I got up from my spot while sitting beside him and wrapped my arms around his shoulder in a reassuring way. I know very well about the walls Xavier can build around him but the thing is I never understood why did he even need them in the first place?
Alec’s phone came to life as it blared beside him. He excused himself while I removed my arms. He looked down at his phone before snapping his head at me.
“Who is it?” I couldn’t help but ask at his reaction.
He didn’t say anything. He just turned the phone towards me to read. I read the caller name and looked back at Alec with wide eyes.
He handed me the phone while I tried to give it back. He shook his head before looking at me hard,
“He won’t call again. So just take it.”
I stared at the phone before looking at Alec one last time before taking the call.
I didn’t say anything as I picked his call up. It was him who spoke first.
“Alec?” His voice sounded groggy as he said.
“Xavier.” I acknowledged.
There was silence on the other line. The only sound I could hear was that of some faint music.
Where was he?
“Why do you sound like her?” He asked in a voice so low.
I stared in the front puzzled. My eyes ran over our childhood photo once before I closed my eyes,
“Are you drunk?” I couldn’t help but ask.
He fell silent before he started laughing, “Can’t I get drunk now? Should I let go of it too?”
“Xavier.” I repeated.
“Oh come on Alec. It’s already bad that I am hearing her voice, don’t make it harder. If you say no in that voice you know I won’t be able to drink.”
“I said stop it.” I demanded.
“Liya.” He finally whispered before falling silent. I heard him taking deep breaths before he spoke again, “It is really you, isn’t it?”
I was about to answer him when he stopped me, “Just don’t. Don’t answer it. I don’t want to think about you with someone else. Just….can you please pass the phone to Alec?” He asked in his deep voice.
I didn’t even think before slipping the phone away from me as soon as possible. I held it out for Alec to take it. I wanted him to hold onto it as soon as possible. It seemed as if it was some poison.
Alec took hold of the phone before listening to him. He hummed in response before asking Xavier his location. Finally he put his phone down before getting up from my bed,
“I am going to pick Xavier up…Do you want to come?” He asked.
I done want to. But I also want to make sure that he is fine.
“Yeah.” I answered as I got up from my seat. I took my phone as I checked the time.
It read 11pm.
Mom and dad were not home so it shouldn’t be any problem. Besides these last ten days have made them trust Alec. Way too much.
“I’ll wait by the car for you, okay?” He said before going out.
I went and just grabbed on a pair of sneakers before putting them on. I still don’t know why I decided onto going with Alec but I just wish it isn’t as bad as I think it is.
I haven’t seen Xavier getting drunk so I really don’t know what to expect.
Remember when I said I didn’t know what to expect from drunk Xavier? Well, the sight in front of me wasn’t exactly one of them.
Not in a million years would I have expected Xavier to sit in the backseat muttering things to himself while he would count the distance between me and Alec. Making sure we were not close ‘enough’.
“Why does it even matter to you?” I muttered annoyed now.
I can’t believe I was concerned about him. He seemed totally fine. Well except the fact that he was drunk beyond his senses.
He laid his head between the edges of the two seats, “It does. It matters to me.” He sounded sad before looking at Alec sharply, “Are you both together now?”
I looked at Alec beside me as he clenched his jaw tight before shaking his head in denial, “We aren’t.”
“Thank god!” Xavier sounded relaxed as I heard his back hit the back seat.
He chuckled to himself before he fell silent. He was silent for a while when I turned around in my seat to make sure he was alright. (Never doubt a drunk person).
He was staring at his hand before stretching out his fingers. Then he looked at both of his hands before his eyes turned to me and looked at me confused,
“I should be having ten of these…why can I see 20?” He asked innocently.
Yes. Too drunk.
“Exactly how many bottles did you drink?” I asked.
He held two of his fingers out.
“Two?” I asked a little surprised.
Xavier getting drunk was yet again new Xavier for me to handle. No scratch that…I don’t have to handle Xavier at all anymore.
How could I forget that?
“No.” He cooed, “Don’t you see there are fooooour fingersssss.”
I raised my brows in surprise, “You had four bottles? And you haven’t blacked out yet?”
“Yesssss.” He smiled proudly.
He poked his finger in my cheek while I smacked his hand away.
“I’ll drop you off at your house.” Alec finally said after a long while.
“There’s no one at my house.” Xavier mumbled closing his eyes, “drop me off at Liya’s.”
Alec slammed his foot against the break making me go forward in my seat. Thank god for the seat belt or else I would have flew out of the car.
Well the same wasn’t the case with Xavier. Imagine a sudden jolt and on top of that being drunk. Doesn’t sound good, does it?
“Fuck Alec. You wanna kill me?” Xavier grumbled as he tried to get up from the space between the backseat and the front seat.
Alec ignored him while he turned around in his seat to face him, “You can’t go to Liya’s house.”
Xavier pinched the bridge of his nose, “Why?”
“Her parents aren’t home either.” Alec glared at him.
Xavier laughed, “You think I don’t know that?”
Alec stared at Xavier wide eyed before grumbling.
“Our parents are friends Alec. For all you know they all are together. So I must go to Liya’s house.” Xavier grinned wickedly.
“You can’t stay alone with her.” Alec scoffed.
“Oh, I can.”
Alec was silent for a while still fumbling for words before smirking, “Fine. I am staying over night too. We both can have one room, right Liya?”
I looked at the both of them with a weird expression. Don’t I get to have a say in this? I mean, it is my house isn’t it? Don’t I get to decide who stays in and who doesn’t?
The both of them looked at me with puppy dog eyes before I sighed. Besides, the guy in the back is too drunk to take care of himself.
“Yeah sure.” I murmured unsure.
The both of them grinned proudly before glaring at each other.
Oh boy, it isn’t going to be fun at all. Two guys…one drunk and the other one too sober.
__To be continued…
Who else thinks this is Alec change
She is water💦 He is fire🔥
She is kind😊 He is Cold😟
( I love you)
Alec stopped outside my house and without saying anything got out of the car. He opened the back door and asked Xavier to get out of the car seeming bored.
I got out from my side and went to stand next to Alec. I stomped my foot impatiently as I waited for Xavier to get out.
“Liya.” I heard Xavier call out. Then a hand appeared from inside the car, “You know I might fall down. Help me get inside, please.” He said trying to sound all innocent.
I huffed out some air in annoyance. This guy. Wasn’t he the same guy who wanted me to stay away from him? Broke my heart? Then why the hell was he trying to get close to me now?
But he is drunk right now which means he isn’t in his right senses.
I was about to step in the front and offer him my hand when Alec stopped me and stepped in the front helping Xavier out,
“I’ll help you. You will crush Liya with your weight.” Alec smiled sweetly at Xavier.
Xavier glared holes at him before muttering incoherently to himself. Alec helped his arm around his shoulders while supporting Xavier’s weight on himself.
“You hate me, don’t you?” Xavier asked Alec in a low voice.
Alec ignored him while helping him walk. I opened the door for them to enter.
Alec was awfully quiet as he helped Xavier inside while Xavier awfully muttered things to himself.
“I swear there should be an award for people who sacrifice. Seriously. That shit hurts.” He mumbled, “…I might get one too.”
He was silent before chuckling, “Am I right, Alec?”
“I don’t know.” Alec replied silently.
“Oh come on, you are the only person who might be the happiest right now.” Xavier mocked.
Alec made a face before hurrying towards one of the sofas and throwing Xavier on it. Xavier groaned in pain before chuckling.
Drunk Xavier wasn’t only annoying but he was also way too honest. Too honest that he was hurting his best friend.
I could see Alec hurt by Xavier’s words. And I felt bad for him because listening to your best friend getting the wrong idea about you hurts.
“I’ll prepare the guest room for the both of you.” I announced before turning away from them.
“Wait.” I heard Alec say, “I’ll help you out too.”
I turned back to face him and tell him otherwise when he took a step forward.
It all happened in slow motion as Alec tried to step towards me while Xavier tried to take hold of his hand wanting to stop him, except rather than Alec’s hand what came in his grip was….
I closed my eyes before turning around in embarrassment. There was a pin drop silence as none of them said a word.
It was a moment later that I heard Alec burst out, “Just stop holding onto my…” he stopped mid sentence.
“Hand?” Xavier asked smirking.
“You dickhead. That is not my hand that you are holding. It is my….” Alec groaned in frustration.
I slightly looked through my fingers as I saw Xavier looking down at his hand which was still holding onto Alec’s crotch area. He seemed confused as he looked back at Alec,
“I am pretty much sure I am holding your wrist.”
Alec ran both his hands through his blonde hair before he looked at Xavier with wide eyes, “Look. Both of my hands are here. So just let it go. That is not my fucking hand.”
Xavier was silent for a while before he looked at Alec with horror filled in his eyes, “Is…I-Is that your…?”
Alec nodded his head at him in affirmation. Xavier let out a yelp before snatching his hand away and rubbing it off on the sofa.
“Are you sure?” Xavier looked at Alec in disgust before making a gagging sound, “But it seemed so….small.”
Now it was Alec looking at Xavier with his eyes wide and disbelief, “Don’t you lie! It wasn’t small!”
“It was!” Xavier cried.
“It wasn’t! It is so big that….”
“STOP!” I yelled covering my ears, “I don’t want to listen to you both talking about your sizes. Please.”
They both fell quiet before nodding their heads at me. I could see a slight tint of pink color on Alec’s cheek as he turned away from me. Xavier was just like his drunk self, sitting there seeming to enjoy everything.
I didn’t say anything further as I turned away from them to prepare the guest room. There was one upstairs just in front of mine and another one downstairs. I decided to give them the one which was the closest and safest of all the rooms…downstairs one.
I went and opened the room door. Usually the only time someone would use this room was when we would have any relative of ours to come and live with us for a few days.
Since we didn’t have anyone in the last few months the room was untouched. The bedsheets and everything were already made up.
Glad I don’t have to do anything.
I stepped out to call the both of them to have a night sleep when I noticed them staring at each other.
Alec was sitting on the floor cross legged while Xavier was still on the sofa.
They didn’t even blink as they continued staring at each other. I went and stood just near them,
“What are you both even doing?” I asked putting my hands on my hips.
“Having a staring contest.” Xavier answered seriously still not looking at me.
“Why?” I questioned.
Both of their eyes momentarily flew towards me before going back to stare at each other,
“You won’t understand.” They declared in unison.
I stared at the both of them wide eyes as none of them took notice of me. None of them would blink their eyes while both were tearing up.
“Alec why are doing this? I mean I understand Xavier is drunk…but you?” I asked unbelievably.
“I am not the one to back down once challenged.” He replied to me.
I waited for another five minutes before sighing in resignation and going to stand in front of them. They both ignored me while shifting to one side.
“Back down.” I demanded to Alec. But he didn’t listen to me.
I took a deep breath before facing Xavier now,
“Back down.” I demanded again. But this time rather than Alec it was Xavier.
Xavier’s hazel eyes found their way to mine as I looked at him hard. He gulped before trying to go back to stare at Alec when I repeated myself,
“I. Said. Back. Down. Xavier.”
Xavier took in a deep breath before rolling his eyes and blinking his eyes–still looking at me.
Alec got up from the floor as fast as a lightening bolt filled with excitement.
“You blinked. I win!” Alec hooted beside me.
But Xavier wasn’t taking notice of him. In fact he was still busy staring at me. Even though he was drunk, the stare. His stare. It was the usual one.
“You won.” Xavier finally said, “Yet again.”
Alec fell silent. He stood there frozen for a while before he whispered, “I am not at fault. And I actually never won the first time.”
I knew they weren’t just talking about this game.
Xavier’s gaze was stable at Alec. And for a moment it seemed as if he was sober enough. Without saying anything he got up from his seat and stumbled towards the guest room,
“Whatever.” He said in a dismissal way, “I am going to bed.”
Before getting out of sight he turned one last time. His gaze landed on me as he smirked,
“I can let you sleep with me.”
“Fuck off.” I cussed at him.
He laughed before turning around and going out.
“I hope you don’t mind me staying in today.” Alec whispered from the bed while I stood there in front of him.
My eyes momentarily flew towards Xavier who now seemed deep in his sleep. He seemed at ease as he breathed deeply.
I smiled softly at Alec, “Of course not. In fact I am glad that you are here.”
I couldn’t help but be glad because I don’t know what would I have done if I was alone with Xavier. He is already so hard to deal with. And after that day it has only been harder for me to face him. It is harder to not think about him without having an ache in my heart. So having Alec here just makes me feel better. Reminds me that I am not alone.
“Thanks.” Alec sounded genuine as he whispered.
He once looked over at Xavier before sighing deeply, “I wish I could stuff some sense into him. He can be really childish and dumb sometimes.”
I chuckled lightly as he got up from the bed and stretched out a bit, “I’ll go get freshen up.”
I nodded my head at him. He stood there for a while staring at me before slowly raising his hands and touching my cheek lightly, “You should go and have some rest too.”
Unsure I touched his hand on my cheek while I nodded my head at him, “I will.”
He passed me a smile before removing his hand from my cheek and going to the bathroom. I stood there frozen in my place for a while before my eyes moved towards Xavier.
I have never seen him sleeping so soundly. Then again I have never seen him sleeping.
But the thing is that he seemed so calm, free of any stress… I couldn’t help but move towards him. When I was standing just next to his side I stared at his face.
His brown locks were now covering his forehead. His eyelashes….I can never understand how do guys have longer eyelashes than women?! His eyelashes were long enough to touch his cheeks with his eyes closed.
He was as flawless as always. But his personality wasn’t. It was full of flaws and it was one of the reasons I loved him for who he is. Cause that is the thing…nobody loves perfect. You can like perfect but you don’t fall for a perfect person and maybe that is the reason why god hasn’t made anyone perfect.
I bend down on my knees and gazed at his face. How can I not hate him after all he did? I am angry. Regretful for falling for him. Broken. But still I don’t hate him.
They say there’s a fine line between hate and love. The deeper the love is the deeper you hate…but then again, maybe I am not normal?
He wants me to stay away from him. I will. I will always regret falling in love with him but I can’t ever hate him.
I didn’t realize it but my hands found their way into his hair as I sang the old nursery rhyme him
and I used to sing as children in a soft whisper,
“Rock a bye baby, on the tree top,
When the wind blows the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.”
I wish we could still go back in time when we were always together. When Xavier cared for me because he didn’t have any more friends and he wasn’t contracted to marry his best friend.
I miss those innocent times when I didn’t have to worry about Xavier breaking my heart. When love was only defined as parents love.
I snatched away my hand from his hair. What am I doing? Why? Why can’t I stay away from him?
I hurriedly got up.
We are over. I reminded myself.
I checked the clock on the wall.
I am tired. I need rest. I need energy until I see him again in the morning.
I turned around to leave. I was just about to take a step forward when I felt a hand wrap around my wrist making me stop.
I blinked a few times and took a shallow breath before turning around to look at him.
I was expecting hazel eyes staring back at me. Looking at me mischievously and knowingly but I was surprised when I found his eyes still closed.
I looked down at my wrist and found his hand wrapped around it. I sighed before trying to get away from him but as I tried his hold only tightened around my wrist.
“Liya.” He whispered.
My eyes snapped upto his to find him still in his sleep. Is he still asleep? Or too drunk to open his eyes? I don’t know for sure.
I tried to get away from his hold when he spoke again,
“Don’t leave.” He pleaded, “please.”
I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as I listened to him speak. I closed my eyes in pain.
“Because…I,” he stopped.
My breathing stopped too. I opened my eyes to find him laying there still. Asleep.
I bit my lip. I don’t know what he was gonna say but I am glad he didn’t. I don’t want to know when I am finally trying to move on from him.
Using my other hand I tried to free my hand he was holding onto.
“I…” he whispered again, “I love you.”
___To be continued…
Sorry about the late update; Xavier confessed