I Never Intended To Be A Sidechick: 4
Kathy told me she had forgotten all about it and from the bottom of her heart, she wished me happiness in my marriage. With those comforting words from Kathy, we left. Upon reaching home, I found my husband drunk and lying down on one of the sofas. Immediately he saw me, he got up and started hitting me until I had to run to my neighbour. After a few hours I went back home and found him fast asleep.
The following day, John asked why I had a black eye and I told him he caused it. He was surprised and said he couldn’t remember anything about the previous night at all.
Being beaten, hit me harder than anything else. Enough was enough. I emotionally drifted away from John and contemplated leaving him. I made it clear I was done forgiving. John apologized and said that, inasmuch as, he had his flaws, beating a woman was cruel. He was scared and ashamed of what he had done, but promised, he would never hit me again. And that stood!
Gradually, I started noticing some changes. My husband completely stopped drinking, keeping late nights and chasing women. I was glad about that positive development. It was indeed a big achievement for me!
However, I am not proud of how I treated my fellow woman. My experiences as a side chick, has so far been the most disgusting part of my life. If I had the power to erase it, I would gladly do so. ”What goes around, comes around,” and that definitely applied to my situation. I strongly feel, I paid for my mistakes.
To the women that have been cheated on, the decision to leave or stay is personal. First of all, once you decide on staying or leaving do it! Do not stay in between! No one should tell you what to do in this situation. Because it isn’t easy to just walk away or split up the family. Remember, the decision you make at that time, will affect your future either positively or negatively! If your partner or spouse apologizes, acknowledges his mistake and the pain it has caused, make efforts of trying to save the relationship and completely cuts all ties with the other parties..would be good to give them a chance.
When love comes into equation, ‘a second chance’ no doubt will present itself to the cheating partner. But, however,it would also be hard to forgive someone who falls in the ‘not feeling remorseful’ category! Whatever you do, don’t stay if you can’t handle it, but don’t leave regretting it every moment.
Obviously, some readers out there, might not agree with my decision of staying with my husband despite him cheating on me with my cousin. From the beginning I thought about it critically, I weighed the pros and cons carefully. I accepted that the cheating had happened. It wasn’t an easy thing though! Yes, he was a womaniser but generally he is a nice person.
I am glad I made the decision to stay, all by myself. However, when I tried to share with family and friends about my situation, they advised that I leave. But on the contrary, my heart did not agree. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I was basically opening up for comfort because I felt lost and vulnerable. I was young and even if I had chosen to leave, I would have started looking for another man, to accept me and my child. The other thing was, I made mistakes in my life too, and people forgave me!
This year 2018, John and I have clocked ten years of marriage, with four beautiful kids. I wouldn’t claim our marriage is now perfect, but it’s pretty good so far and I can’t complain !
Lastly, I would like to urge women to think twice before accepting to date a married man. The consequences are grief! Don’t date a married man as a blesser, for fun like in my case or because maybe you are trying to get over a lost love. That will only bring more pain to your life. Remember: there are feelings involved, stress, time wasting, meeting where you won’t be seen or caught, just so many unpleasant things. Being single is not a curse because it’s a phase of passing through in life, after all no one was born married. Let’s learn to nurture, love and value ourselves and most importantly, not mess with other peoples husbands.
If you are a lady looking for love, you won’t find it with a man who is taken. Meet a man who is free and is ready to love you for you, and the happiness will come right along with it. Men also should respect their marriage vows or partners if they are in serious relationships. Regardless of these side chick stories, good men who only have eyes for their partners still exist!
Matthew 19:6 ”What God has joined together, let no man put asunder”
I shared my experiences so that someone out there could learn a thing or two.